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How to get a family member checked for dementia: a compassionate guide

5 min read

According to the World Health Organization, over 55 million people worldwide live with dementia, with nearly 10 million new cases diagnosed each year. If you are concerned about a loved one's memory and behavior, it is crucial to know how to get a family member checked for dementia to seek timely and appropriate care. This guide provides a step-by-step approach to help you navigate this difficult process with compassion and confidence.

Quick Summary

This guide provides practical steps and strategies for families concerned about a loved one's cognitive decline. It covers how to gently approach the subject, document symptoms, and prepare for a medical evaluation with a primary care physician and, if needed, a specialist.

Key Points

  • Start the conversation gently: Approach the topic with compassion, focusing on your concern for their overall health rather than accusing them of having dementia.

  • Document observed changes: Keep a log of specific memory lapses, behavioral changes, and personality shifts to provide concrete examples for the doctor.

  • Prepare for the doctor's visit: Go with your family member to the appointment and bring your documented observations and a list of all their medications.

  • Know the diagnostic process: Understand that diagnosis involves several steps, starting with a primary care physician who may then refer to a specialist like a neurologist.

  • Handle refusal compassionately: If they refuse to go, stay calm and persistent. Consider sending a letter to their doctor or involving another trusted person.

  • Understand the medical evaluation: A diagnosis involves a physical exam, cognitive tests, and potentially brain scans and lab tests to rule out other causes.

In This Article

Recognize the Signs of Dementia vs. Normal Aging

Distinguishing between typical age-related changes and early signs of dementia can be challenging. Normal aging may involve occasionally misplacing items or taking longer to recall information. In contrast, early dementia symptoms are more persistent and significantly impact daily life.

Common indicators of potential dementia include:

  • Memory Loss: Frequently forgetting recent conversations, events, or appointments.
  • Difficulty with Daily Tasks: Struggling with once-familiar activities, like managing finances or cooking.
  • Communication Problems: Trouble finding the right words, following conversations, or repeating sentences.
  • Disorientation: Getting lost in familiar places or being confused about dates and seasons.
  • Poor Judgment: Making unusual or uncharacteristically impulsive decisions.
  • Personality and Mood Changes: Increased irritability, anxiety, depression, or withdrawal from social activities.

Document Observations to Share with a Doctor

Before you schedule an appointment, create a detailed log of your family member's behavior. A journal can be a valuable tool to paint a clear picture for the doctor. Include specific examples to illustrate your concerns effectively.

Items to document in your journal:

  • Timeline: Note when the memory issues began and whether they were gradual or sudden.
  • Specific Incidents: Write down concrete examples, such as forgetting a recent conversation, missing a crucial appointment, or using unusual words for common objects.
  • Behavioral Changes: Log any shifts in mood, personality, or an increase in anxiety or agitation.
  • Medications: Compile a list of all current medications, including over-the-counter drugs and supplements, as some can affect cognition.

How to Discuss Your Concerns with Your Family Member

Approaching a loved one about potential dementia is a sensitive process. Choose a quiet, comfortable setting and a time when you will not be rushed. Frame the conversation with love and concern, not blame.

  • Be compassionate, not confrontational: Instead of accusing, express your worry. Use phrases like, "I've noticed you've been forgetting things lately, and it's making me concerned about your health".
  • Emphasize a health checkup: Suggest seeing a doctor for a general checkup, explaining that memory issues can have many causes, some of which are treatable. You could also suggest that their annual wellness visit is due.
  • Offer to go with them: A loved one may feel more comfortable with your support at the appointment. Your presence can also help provide accurate observations to the doctor.
  • Plan a positive activity: Link the doctor's visit with an enjoyable outing, like lunch at their favorite restaurant, to create a positive association.

What to Do If Your Loved One Refuses to Go

If your family member resists seeing a doctor, it can be frustrating and scary. Their denial may stem from fear, anxiety, or a lack of insight into their own condition (known as anosognosia).

  • Stay calm and patient: Understand that it may take multiple conversations. Pushing too hard can increase resistance.
  • Enlist help: A trusted friend or another family member may be able to approach the topic more successfully.
  • Inform the doctor discreetly: You can write a letter detailing your concerns and send it to their primary care physician. While the doctor cannot discuss the patient's health with you without their consent, your letter can inform their next steps during an appointment.

The Dementia Evaluation Process

No single test can diagnose dementia; it is a comprehensive process involving several steps.

The Primary Care Physician's Role

Your family member's primary care physician (PCP) is the first point of contact and plays a central role in the initial assessment. They will likely perform the following:

  • Medical History Review: The doctor will review your family member's history and symptoms, often including input from you as a caregiver.
  • Physical Exam: A physical examination can rule out other medical conditions like thyroid issues, infections, or vitamin deficiencies that can mimic dementia symptoms.
  • Cognitive Screening: Brief, in-office tests like the Mini-Mental State Exam (MMSE) or Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA) evaluate memory, reasoning, and other cognitive skills.
  • Lab Tests: Blood and urine tests help rule out other potential causes of cognitive changes.

Referral to a Specialist

If the PCP suspects dementia, they will refer your family member to a specialist for a more detailed evaluation. This may include a neurologist, geriatrician, or neuropsychologist.

  • Advanced Neuropsychological Testing: More in-depth tests can provide a comprehensive picture of your family member's cognitive strengths and weaknesses.
  • Brain Scans: Imaging tests such as CT or MRI scans can reveal patterns of brain atrophy or rule out other conditions like strokes or tumors. In some cases, PET scans can detect abnormal protein deposits associated with specific types of dementia.

Comparison Table: Normal Aging vs. Dementia Symptoms

Symptom Normal Age-Related Change Early Dementia Symptom
Memory Sometimes forgets where keys are, but remembers later. Frequently forgets recent conversations and important events.
Problem-Solving May take longer to balance a checkbook but can still do it. Difficulty planning and following a recipe or managing finances.
Finding Words Occasionally struggles to find the right word, but it comes later. Frequent difficulty finding common words, often using vague language.
Daily Tasks Well-practiced skills remain intact; occasional minor mistakes. Struggling with once-familiar tasks like cooking, driving, or dressing.
Orientation May momentarily forget what day it is or why they entered a room. Getting lost in familiar neighborhoods or forgetting what time of year it is.
Personality Maintain social engagement and connections. Withdrawal from social activities or noticeable personality changes.

Conclusion

Getting a family member checked for dementia is a significant step that requires patience, compassion, and a strategic approach. Early diagnosis, even if difficult to obtain, provides the opportunity for proactive planning, access to treatments that may slow progression, and connection to vital support resources. By recognizing the signs, documenting your observations, and communicating with care, you can help your loved one get the answers and support they need while managing the process with dignity. Remember to take care of your own well-being throughout this challenging journey.

How to find resources

If you need support, organizations like the Alzheimer's Association offer a range of services for families and caregivers, including a 24/7 Helpline and online tools to connect with local resources. Visiting the Administration for Community Living's Eldercare Locator can also help find services in your area.

Frequently Asked Questions

The very first step is to schedule an appointment with their primary care physician. Before the visit, document specific observations of memory loss or behavioral changes, and plan how to compassionately discuss your concerns with your family member.

If your family member refuses, try not to pressure them. You can write a confidential letter outlining your concerns and send it to their doctor. During the next appointment, the doctor can use this information to guide their assessment.

Normal aging involves occasional, minor forgetfulness that doesn't disrupt daily life. Dementia symptoms are more frequent and severe, impacting basic functions like managing finances, cooking, or getting lost in familiar places.

A primary care physician (PCP) can perform an initial assessment and screening, but they will likely refer to a specialist, such as a neurologist, for a definitive diagnosis, especially if the case is complex.

Tests include a physical exam, cognitive tests (like MMSE or MoCA), blood tests to rule out other issues, and possibly brain scans (CT, MRI) to check for structural changes or other conditions.

Yes, it is highly recommended. Your presence provides emotional support and allows you to share important observations with the doctor that your loved one may forget or not be aware of.

Bring a detailed journal of your observations, a list of all medications and supplements your family member takes, and any questions you have for the doctor.

References

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Medical Disclaimer

This content is for informational purposes only and should not replace professional medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding personal health decisions.