What is financial abuse?
Financial abuse is a pattern of behavior in a relationship where one partner uses money to exert power and control over the other. This form of abuse can be subtle or overt, and its goal is to create financial dependency, making it difficult for the victim to leave the relationship. This is not simply a disagreement about finances but a systematic tactic of coercive control. While it often occurs alongside other forms of domestic violence, it can also exist on its own.
Three primary examples of financial abuse
Financial abuse manifests in many ways, but three clear and common examples highlight the core controlling behaviors.
1. Controlling all access to finances In this scenario, the abuser manages all the money, leaving the victim with no independent access or spending power. They may control joint bank accounts or even seize control of accounts that were solely the victim's. This creates a complete lack of financial independence and forces the victim to rely on the abuser for every expense, no matter how small.
- The abuser gives the victim a strict, inadequate "allowance" for necessities like groceries and personal care items.
- They demand receipts for every purchase and scrutinize every spending decision, creating a feeling of constant surveillance.
- The abuser denies the victim access to credit cards, prevents them from opening their own bank account, or hides financial information.
2. Sabotaging employment and career Abusers use employment sabotage to destroy a victim's source of income and reinforce their financial dependence. This can involve direct interference at work or creating obstacles that make it difficult for the victim to maintain a job.
- The abuser harasses the victim at their workplace with frequent calls, texts, or unannounced visits, potentially causing them to lose their job.
- They prevent the victim from getting to work by taking keys, damaging their vehicle, or refusing to provide childcare.
- They might actively forbid the victim from working or attending job training, dismissing the victim's career goals as unimportant.
3. Acquiring coerced or fraudulent debt This form of abuse involves the abuser damaging the victim's financial reputation and future by accumulating debt in their name. This can have long-lasting consequences, making it nearly impossible for the victim to rebuild their financial life independently.
- The abuser pressures the victim to co-sign loans or sign other financial documents they do not understand.
- They open new credit card accounts or take out loans in the victim’s name without their knowledge or consent.
- They refuse to pay bills, deliberately ruining the victim's credit score and making it difficult to secure housing or loans in the future.
How financial abuse differs from financial infidelity
While both involve deception around money in a relationship, the motivations and power dynamics are different. Financial infidelity typically involves one partner hiding spending or debt from the other. Financial abuse, on the other hand, is a tool of control where one partner deliberately restricts access to resources or sabotages the other's financial stability.
| Feature | Financial Abuse | Financial Infidelity |
|---|---|---|
| Core Motivation | Power and control over the victim | Hiding financial mistakes or personal spending |
| Power Dynamic | High imbalance; one partner dictates all financial terms | Hidden or unequal access; one partner deceives the other |
| Intent | To restrict, isolate, and create dependence | To avoid conflict, hide misdeeds, or manage finances differently |
| Impact on Victim | Damages credit, isolates from resources, prevents leaving | Creates mistrust and potential financial problems |
| Associated Behavior | Often combined with other forms of domestic violence | May or may not involve other abuse; primarily a trust issue |
What to do about financial abuse
Taking steps to address financial abuse requires a safety plan, as leaving an abusive situation can be a dangerous time. Resources and support are available to help navigate this process safely.
- Document everything: Gather evidence of the abuse, such as financial statements, credit reports, and communication records. If possible, do this discreetly. Consider using a separate, secure email account for financial information.
- Contact a hotline: The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides confidential support and resources for creating a safety plan, including financial safety. Advocates can help strategize the safest way to leave or regain control.
- Secure personal documents: Take important financial and personal documents, like social security cards, passports, and bank statements, and store them in a secure location that the abuser cannot access.
- Open a secret bank account: If safe to do so, open a new, individual bank account at a different financial institution and have mail sent to a trusted friend's or family member's address. This allows you to start building savings in secret.
- Seek legal counsel: If debt was coerced or accrued in your name without your knowledge, a lawyer can help explore options for removing yourself from liability.
Conclusion
Recognizing the signs of financial abuse—controlling resources, sabotaging employment, and creating fraudulent debt—is critical for anyone in or witnessing an abusive relationship. The goal of financial manipulation is to isolate and entrap, and its effects can be devastating and long-lasting. However, by understanding these tactics and leveraging available resources, victims can begin to reclaim their financial independence and safety. If you or someone you know is experiencing this, reaching out to a domestic violence hotline is the most important first step towards a path of recovery and freedom.
The long-term impact of financial abuse
The consequences of financial abuse extend far beyond the relationship itself. Ruined credit scores can prevent victims from obtaining housing, cars, or loans for years, effectively blocking them from rebuilding their lives. This perpetuates the cycle of dependency and can make leaving seem impossible. The psychological toll is also significant, as victims may internalize the abuser's false narrative of financial incompetence, which can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem. Specialized financial counseling and advocacy are often necessary to help survivors navigate these lasting effects and develop the confidence and skills needed to achieve financial stability.
Empowering survivors with financial literacy
Education plays a key role in empowering survivors of financial abuse. Many victims have been kept in the dark about managing money, budgeting, and understanding credit. Providing access to financial literacy programs can equip them with the knowledge and tools to take back control. The journey to recovery is not just about leaving the abuser but also about building the skills to manage one's own financial future successfully.
