Focusing on Feelings, Not Facts
When communicating with someone with dementia, it’s often more effective to connect on an emotional level rather than through facts and details. A card doesn't need to relay news or updates about your current life, which can be confusing. Instead, focus on evoking a feeling of love, warmth, and reassurance.
Here are some examples of messages that focus on feelings:
- "Thinking of you today and sending you lots of love."
- "Just wanted to send a smile your way. Hope you're having a peaceful day."
- "You mean so much to me. I was just thinking about you and all the joy you've brought to my life."
- "Even though we don't see each other as often, you are always in my heart."
The Power of Reminiscence with Pictures
Long-term memories often remain more accessible than recent ones for a person with dementia. Use this to your advantage by including a photograph in your card that sparks a happy, distant memory. This can be a powerful and positive tool for connection.
How to incorporate photos:
- Select a photo from a long time ago, perhaps a wedding photo, a family holiday, or a beloved pet from their past.
- Write a short, simple caption describing the photo. Mentioning names and the event can be helpful. For example, “This is us at the beach in 1975, remember how warm the sun felt?”
- Keep the message simple and light. Focus on the joy of the moment, not the passage of time. A message like, "This photo brought back such happy memories. Thinking of that day!" is perfect.
Writing with Clarity and Simplicity
Dementia can affect a person's ability to process complex information, so simplicity is key when writing your card. Overly wordy or complex messages can be overwhelming and frustrating.
- Use large, clear handwriting or printed text. Avoid cursive, which can be difficult to read.
- Stick to short, direct sentences. Instead of a lengthy paragraph, use one or two concise sentences per thought.
- Avoid asking questions that require recent memory, such as, "How was your day?" or "Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?".
- Reassure them of your connection without demanding a reciprocal memory. A message like, "I know you're not always able to remember, but I want you to know I'm thinking of you," conveys care without putting pressure on them.
What to Include in the Card: A Comparison
| What to Include | Why it Works |
|---|---|
| Focus on Feelings "You are so loved." |
Connects on an emotional level, providing comfort and reassurance. |
| Reminiscence "This picture of us at the lake makes me smile." |
Taps into long-term memories, which are often more intact. |
| Simple Sentences "Hope you have a good day." |
Easy to process and understand, preventing confusion. |
| Large, Clear Text Printed, not cursive |
Enhances readability and reduces visual strain. |
| Positive & Cheerful Imagery Lighthearted designs, cheerful photos |
Sets a positive mood and avoids distressing imagery. |
What to Avoid
Just as important as knowing what to write is knowing what not to write. Certain messages, while well-intentioned, can cause distress or confusion for someone with dementia.
- Don't ask "Do you remember...?" These questions test their memory and can make them feel anxious or inadequate.
- Don't write long, detailed letters. A card is more manageable and less overwhelming than a long letter full of information they may not be able to follow.
- Don't reference recent events they might not recall. Stick to stories and memories from the distant past.
- Don't use overly complex language. Keep it simple and clear.
- Don't correct them. If they have a mistaken reality, arguing or correcting them will likely cause distress and not be productive.
The Importance of Frequent and Simple Gestures
It's not about one grand gesture, but rather a series of small, consistent ones. Receiving a card, even if they don't fully process who it's from or why it was sent, can provide a moment of positive emotion. Repeating this kindness can reinforce that feeling of being loved and cared for.
Consider sending cards more frequently, but keeping the messages incredibly short and sweet. The act itself—the bright card, the simple words—is the most important part.
Conclusion
Writing a card for someone with dementia is an act of compassion and patience. The most successful approach is to focus on evoking feelings of happiness and security rather than testing their memory. By using simple language, incorporating positive memories, and choosing cheerful cards, you can ensure your message of love and care is received and appreciated. Every small gesture, like a thoughtful card, reinforces their value and reminds them they are not forgotten. For more information on navigating conversations, the Alzheimer's Association offers a wealth of resources on effective communication strategies: alz.org/help-support/caregiving/daily-care/communications.
Conclusion
Writing a card for someone with dementia is an act of compassion and patience. The most successful approach is to focus on evoking feelings of happiness and security rather than testing their memory. By using simple language, incorporating positive memories, and choosing cheerful cards, you can ensure your message of love and care is received and appreciated. Every small gesture, like a thoughtful card, reinforces their value and reminds them they are not forgotten. For more information on navigating conversations, the Alzheimer's Association offers a wealth of resources on effective communication strategies: alz.org/help-support/caregiving/daily-care/communications.
