Observing and Documenting Driving Concerns
Before approaching a conversation about driving, a concerned person should first observe and document specific instances of unsafe behavior. This approach provides objective evidence and helps avoid emotional, accusatory arguments. The goal is to build a factual case based on patterns of driving performance, not isolated incidents.
Warning signs of unsafe elderly driving
- Cognitive Issues: Getting lost on familiar routes, becoming confused at intersections, or having delayed reactions to traffic situations.
- Physical Impairments: Trouble turning the head to check blind spots, mixing up the brake and gas pedals, or difficulty moving from the accelerator to the brake.
- Poor Judgement: Driving too fast or too slowly for conditions, ignoring or missing traffic signs and signals, or having a higher frequency of 'close calls'.
- Vehicle Damage: New, unexplained dents or scrapes on the car, garage, or mailboxes.
Take note of the date, time, and location of these incidents. Remember, the observation period should be done discreetly and without distracting the driver. Consider enlisting other family members or close friends to observe as well to build a more comprehensive picture.
How to Have “The Driving Talk” with an Elderly Driver
Approaching an elderly person about their driving is a delicate matter, as it often touches on their independence and self-worth. It's best to frame the conversation around safety and a collaborative solution, rather than an ultimatum.
- Choose the Right Setting: Find a calm, relaxed time and location, not immediately after a driving incident.
- Use "I" Statements: Instead of saying, "You are a bad driver," try, "I am concerned about your safety when you are driving,".
- Present Concrete Evidence: Refer to the documented observations in a calm, non-confrontational manner. For example, mention, "I noticed you had trouble seeing the turn signal last night," rather than, "Your vision is bad."
- Empathize with Their Feelings: Acknowledge that losing the ability to drive is a major life change and that their feelings of frustration or sadness are valid.
- Present Alternatives: Be prepared with a plan that includes alternative transportation options to address their concerns about losing independence.
Involving Professionals and Official Channels
If the conversation is unsuccessful or the driving risks are severe, involving a neutral third party or official agency may be necessary. Professionals can provide objective assessments, while official channels can enforce safety measures.
Comparison of intervention methods
| Method | Pros | Cons | Best for... |
|---|---|---|---|
| Involving a Physician | Often perceived as a neutral authority; can cite specific medical concerns; more likely to be heard by the elder. | Privacy laws may restrict information access without proper consent; may strain relationship if not handled delicately. | Situations where a health condition (like dementia, vision loss, or medication side effects) is the primary concern. |
| Driving Rehabilitation Specialist | Provides a comprehensive, objective assessment of driving skills; can suggest adaptive equipment or training to prolong safe driving. | Can be expensive; availability may vary by location; might be perceived as a test. | Identifying specific skill deficits and exploring ways to adapt before full cessation is necessary. |
| Reporting to the DMV | Official, confidential way to trigger a re-evaluation; state has authority to impose restrictions or revoke license. | Can feel like a last resort; may permanently damage the relationship; outcome is state-dependent. | High-risk scenarios where the elder refuses to acknowledge danger, and other methods have failed. |
| Using the Keys as a Last Resort | Immediate solution to an imminent danger. | Legally complex without Power of Attorney; can be seen as theft; will likely be met with intense anger. | Emergency situations where the driver's cognitive state poses immediate, extreme risk to themselves and others. |
Finding Transportation Alternatives and Support
Part of the planning process should involve researching and presenting reliable alternatives to driving. This demonstrates to the elderly person that their independence is still valued and that practical solutions exist to help them maintain their lifestyle.
Types of senior transportation services
- Ride-Hailing Services: Services like Uber or Lyft offer convenience and on-demand travel. Apps like GoGoGrandparent can help seniors use these services without a smartphone.
- Community and Volunteer Programs: Many local non-profits, senior centers, and religious groups offer volunteer-based rides or scheduled shuttles for errands, medical appointments, and social events. Check the Eldercare Locator (800-677-1116) for options.
- Para-transit Services: For individuals with disabilities or who cannot access standard public transit, these curb-to-curb or door-to-door services are often available.
- Family and Friend Network: Coordinate a schedule among family and friends to help with weekly trips to the grocery store, pharmacy, or other destinations.
Conclusion: Prioritizing Safety and Dignity
Addressing concerns about an elderly driver is one of the most difficult challenges for a family. By starting the conversation early, focusing on concrete evidence, and approaching the topic with empathy, you can navigate this process with the elder's dignity in mind. Involving professionals and official channels should be considered for more serious situations. Ultimately, prioritizing the safety of both the elderly driver and the public, while ensuring continued access to community life through alternative transportation, is the most responsible and loving course of action. This process requires patience, preparation, and a commitment to maintaining a good relationship throughout a major life transition.
