Avoiding Argument and Confrontation
One of the most counterproductive actions when caring for someone with dementia is engaging in arguments or confrontations. A person's cognitive function is impaired, making logical reasoning and the ability to distinguish between accurate and inaccurate memories incredibly difficult. Getting into a power struggle over a perceived truth is a battle that no one can win and will only lead to heightened frustration and agitation for both parties.
Instead of arguing, redirect the conversation or validate the feeling behind the statement. For example, if they insist a deceased spouse is still alive, focus on the love and positive memories associated with that person rather than correcting them. Acknowledging their reality, even if it's not yours, maintains their sense of security and respect.
Rethinking Your Language: What Not to Say
Communication is a key aspect of managing dementia, and the wrong words can inadvertently cause distress. Avoiding certain phrases can make a significant difference in daily interactions.
Phrases to eliminate:
- "Do you remember...?" Asking a person with memory loss if they remember something can be painful and embarrassing for them. It forces them to confront their condition directly, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Instead of quizzing them, share the memory yourself in a positive way.
- "I just told you that." Repeatedly explaining things they have forgotten or reminding them that they just asked a question can make them feel like a burden. It's crucial to be patient and repeat information as needed without showing frustration.
- "You're wrong." Directly correcting someone's memory, no matter how illogical it seems, serves no purpose and can feel like a personal attack. Gently guide them towards a more accurate conclusion or, if it's unimportant, simply let it go.
- Using long, complex sentences. As cognitive abilities decline, processing complex language becomes harder. Break down instructions into single, simple steps. For example, instead of, "Go into the kitchen, get a glass from the cupboard, and fill it with water," say, "Let's get a drink of water" and guide them through each step.
Respecting Their Autonomy and Dignity
Even with cognitive decline, a person with dementia is still a complete human being deserving of respect and dignity. Infringing upon their autonomy can cause a range of negative emotional responses.
Actions that undermine dignity:
- Excluding them from conversations. Talking about the person as if they aren't there is dehumanizing. Even if they can no longer communicate verbally, they may still understand emotions and social cues. Always address them directly and include them in interactions.
- Treating them like a child. Using "elderspeak," such as a high-pitched tone or cutesy language, is patronizing and disrespectful. Speak to them calmly and respectfully, using an adult tone, even if you need to simplify your language.
- Rushing them. Individuals with dementia need more time to process information and complete tasks. Forcing them to rush can cause anxiety and agitation. Adjust your pace to theirs and be patient with their speed.
- Ignoring their feelings. It's easy to dismiss what seems like an irrational emotional response, but the emotion itself is very real. Validate their feelings of frustration, fear, or sadness, even if the reason for them seems nonsensical to you. Offering comfort and reassurance is always the right approach.
Comparison of Approaches: Unhelpful vs. Helpful Strategies
Communication strategies can be broken down into what to avoid and what to embrace. Here is a helpful comparison to guide your interactions.
| Unhelpful Strategy | Helpful Strategy |
|---|---|
| Arguing and correcting false memories. | Agreeing with their feelings or gently redirecting the topic. |
| Asking "Do you remember...?" | Sharing a memory and inviting them to participate. |
| Using complex sentences or commands. | Using short, simple sentences and one-step instructions. |
| Ignoring outbursts or emotional distress. | Responding to their feelings with compassion and reassurance. |
| Rushing them through tasks. | Allowing plenty of time for tasks and showing patience. |
| Talking about them in their presence. | Engaging them directly in conversations. |
| Taking comments or behavior personally. | Remembering the disease is causing their actions. |
Avoiding Personal Resentment
Caregiving for a person with dementia is an emotionally challenging journey. It's crucial for caregivers to protect their own mental health by avoiding personalizing the behavior of their loved one. The person with dementia is not deliberately trying to be difficult, frustrating, or hurtful. Their actions and words are a result of a neurodegenerative condition. Holding on to resentment only harms the caregiver and can negatively affect the quality of care provided. Practice forgiveness and remember to separate the person from the disease.
It's important to understand the unpredictable nature of dementia symptoms. Frustration, agitation, and aggression can stem from confusion, discomfort, or an inability to communicate needs effectively. By not taking these moments personally, caregivers can respond with a level head, seeking the underlying cause of the distress rather than reacting to the outburst itself.
Never Give Up on Social Engagement
Isolation is a significant risk factor for those with dementia and can accelerate cognitive decline. It is important to avoid isolating your loved one out of convenience or discomfort. Instead, continue to seek opportunities for social interaction and meaningful engagement. This doesn't need to be overwhelming; simple activities can be highly beneficial.
- Invite friends and family over for short, manageable visits.
- Engage in simple hobbies they once enjoyed, like listening to music or looking at old photo albums.
- Take short walks together in a familiar, quiet park.
By fostering social connections and a sense of purpose, you can significantly enhance the person's quality of life. For additional guidance and support, authoritative resources are available, such as the Alzheimer's Association website.
Conclusion: A Shift in Perspective
Ultimately, learning what to avoid with people with dementia is a process of shifting perspective. It's about letting go of expectations rooted in a healthy mind and adopting a new approach based on empathy, patience, and understanding. By refraining from arguing, correcting, and using complex communication, caregivers can create a safer, calmer, and more dignified environment. This change not only benefits the person living with dementia but also reduces the emotional burden on those providing their care.
