Connecting Through Written Words
As Alzheimer's disease progresses, verbal communication can become challenging, but written words, when thoughtfully composed, can still be a powerful tool for connection. The goal is to evoke a sense of warmth and familiarity without causing frustration or confusion. This guide offers practical advice on what to write and what to avoid, helping you create a meaningful card that brightens their day.
Prioritize Feelings Over Facts
For a person with Alzheimer's, recent memories fade first, while emotional memory often remains for much longer. A card that triggers a feeling of happiness, love, or comfort is far more valuable than one that relays complex, recent information. Focus on the emotional connection rather than trying to test their memory with specific details.
- Emphasize Your Relationship: Remind them of the bond you share. Use phrases like, "I'm so lucky to have you in my life," or "Thinking of you and all the happy times we've shared."
- Express Unconditional Love: Simple statements like, "You are so loved," or "You mean the world to me," can be very impactful. These are not tied to specific memories, just to the underlying affection.
- Keep It Cheerful and Positive: Choose a card with bright, simple imagery. Write a message that is encouraging and uplifting. Avoid any sad or anxious tones that could cause distress.
Practical Writing Tips for Clarity and Impact
The way a message is presented is just as important as the message itself. By following a few simple formatting rules, you can make your card much easier for someone with dementia to read and process.
Formatting and Legibility
- Use Clear, Bold Handwriting: Print, rather than writing in cursive. This is easier to read, especially for individuals with vision changes. Use a dark-colored pen, like black or dark blue.
- Keep it Short and to the Point: A long, rambling message can be overwhelming. Stick to one or two sentences. Brevity is kind.
- Use High Contrast: Write with a dark pen on a light-colored card or paper. Avoid busy, cluttered backgrounds.
Content to Include
- Reminisce on Old Memories: Instead of asking, "Do you remember when...?" share a favorite past memory as a statement. For example, "I was just thinking about that great fishing trip we took with Uncle Bob." This offers a positive memory without pressuring them to recall it.
- Focus on Familiar Things: Mention their favorite song, food, or a specific hobby they once enjoyed. "I heard your favorite song, 'Amazing Grace,' on the radio today and it made me smile." This connects to deep-seated memories and preferences.
- Include a Photo: A familiar photo from their younger years can be a powerful tool. Write a simple caption on the back to identify the people in the picture, as names can sometimes be forgotten.
The Importance of What Not to Write
Knowing what to avoid can prevent unintended emotional distress and confusion. Some common card-writing habits can be counterproductive when communicating with someone with Alzheimer's.
Things to Avoid
- Don't Ask Complex Questions: Avoid questions that rely on recent memory, such as, "How was your week?" or "Did you enjoy the flowers I sent?" Instead, offer simple, yes/no questions if you must ask at all, such as, "Are you enjoying the sunshine today?".
- Don't Remind Them of Their Diagnosis: There is no need to reference their illness in the card. This can be painful and is not helpful for communication.
- Avoid Overly Complex Details: Steer clear of long stories or details that require holding multiple pieces of information. For example, instead of describing a recent family trip, focus on a single, happy feeling associated with it.
A Comparison of Communication Strategies
When considering what to write, it's helpful to see a direct comparison of different approaches. This table contrasts less effective strategies with more helpful, empathetic ones.
| Less Effective Strategy | More Helpful Strategy |
|---|---|
| Quiz their memory: "Do you remember your birthday party last week?" | Evoke a feeling: "I was so happy thinking about you on your birthday." |
| Focus on a recent event: "We had a great time at the family reunion last month." | Recall a deeply rooted memory: "Thinking of you and that time we all went to the lake." |
| Use complicated details: "Did you hear about Sally's promotion and how she's moving to Seattle?" | Keep it simple and reassuring: "Sally sends you her love." |
| Sign with an unfamiliar name: "Love, your friend Jane Smith." | Identify yourself clearly: "Love, your daughter Jane." |
Making It a Multidimensional Experience
A card doesn't have to be just a piece of paper. You can incorporate other sensory elements that have been shown to help connect with individuals with Alzheimer's and dementia.
- Tactile Elements: Include materials with interesting textures. Ribbons, soft fabric scraps, or foam stickers can make the card more engaging and stimulating.
- Olfactory Elements: A gentle, familiar scent can be a powerful memory trigger. Spritzing a card with a subtle, familiar cologne or perfume can be very comforting.
- Familiar Sounds: If using a card with a sound chip, choose a calm, gentle song rather than something loud or startling. Familiar music can trigger strong positive emotions.
Writing a Card for the Caregiver
It's also important not to forget the immense burden often placed on caregivers. A card for them is a wonderful way to offer support and recognition.
- Acknowledge their hard work: "I see all the love and effort you put into caring for [loved one's name]. It's truly amazing.".
- Offer practical support: "Let me take something off your plate. Can I bring dinner over on Wednesday?".
- Remind them to care for themselves: "Caring for someone can be exhausting. I hope you're also taking time to care for yourself.".
Conclusion
Writing a card for someone with Alzheimer's is an act of love that requires patience and empathy. By focusing on emotional connection, keeping messages simple, and avoiding memory-testing questions, you can communicate your affection clearly and compassionately. The card's true value lies not in the words they remember, but in the feeling of love and care it instills. For more support and resources, the Alzheimer's Association offers a wealth of information for families and caregivers.
