Can I live with my husband in assisted living?

Over half of adults over 65 are married and want to stay together as they age. Yes, in most cases, you can live with your husband in an assisted living facility, with many communities specifically offering accommodations and care plans for couples.

Quick Summary

Yes, many assisted living communities are designed to accommodate couples in shared or separate units, even with different care needs. Options, costs, and rules vary by facility, so it is essential to research and communicate your specific situation.

Key Points

• Shared Living Is an Option: Many assisted living facilities offer shared apartments or suites for couples to live together, rather than separating them.

• Assess Both Partners' Needs: Facilities conduct individual health assessments for each person to create customized care plans, even if they share a unit.

• Differing Care Needs Can Be Accommodated: If one spouse needs a higher level of care, like memory care, many communities can house them in different units within the same campus, allowing for continued closeness.

• Potential Cost Savings: Sharing a unit often results in a lower cost per person, as facilities typically charge a base rate plus a smaller 'second-person fee'.

• Emotional Well-Being is Prioritized: Moving together provides invaluable emotional comfort and companionship, reducing the stress and loneliness often associated with transitioning to a new environment.

• Continuum of Care Matters: Choosing a community with a continuum of care allows for a smooth transition if one partner's needs change over time, without having to move far apart.

• Financial and Legal Planning is Essential: Understanding the financial implications, including payment structures for couples and potential Medicaid impacts, requires careful planning, possibly with legal counsel.

Accommodating Couples in Assisted Living

For many couples, the transition to assisted living represents a major life change, and staying together is a top priority. Assisted living communities have evolved to meet this need, recognizing the emotional and social benefits of keeping partners together. From shared apartment-style living to adjacent units, facilities offer flexible options to support a couple’s relationship while providing personalized care. The key is finding a community that aligns with both partners' current and potential future needs.

Living Together in the Same Unit

Many assisted living communities offer apartments specifically designed for couples. These shared units, which may be studios, one-bedrooms, or two-bedrooms, allow a couple to maintain a sense of normalcy and companionship. This arrangement is often more cost-effective than paying for two separate rooms and provides significant emotional comfort during the transition. Before move-in, both individuals are assessed to ensure their care needs can be safely and effectively managed within the same living space.

Options for Couples with Differing Needs

Couples often have different levels of health and mobility. What happens if one partner requires a higher level of care than the other? Many modern senior living campuses offer a continuum of care, with different care levels (like independent living, assisted living, and memory care) on the same campus or within the same building.

This means that even if a partner needs to transition to a memory care wing, they can still remain in the same community, allowing for easy, regular visits. Some facilities can also place couples in separate but nearby units, such as adjacent apartments, ensuring they stay close while each receives the specific level of care required. It is important to discuss these potential scenarios with prospective communities early on to understand their policies and capabilities.

The All-Important Initial Assessment

The process of a couple moving into assisted living begins with an assessment of each individual's health, mobility, and care needs. This evaluation, often conducted by a wellness director or nurse, helps determine the appropriate level of care and confirms that the facility can meet those needs. The assessment helps facility staff create two personalized care plans, which are then used to determine the cost. The partner requiring more assistance will typically have a higher care fee, while the more independent partner may only pay for the standard room and board, plus any services they choose. Follow-up assessments are common to ensure care plans adapt as needs change.

Financial Aspects of Couples' Assisted Living

When a couple lives together in assisted living, the financial structure differs from that of a single resident. The cost is generally based on the base rate for the unit, plus a 'second-person fee' or 'additional occupant fee' to cover extra meals, activities, and services. This model is usually more affordable than paying for two separate units. Costs can vary significantly based on the type of unit, location, and the specific care services needed for each partner. For instance, if one spouse requires memory care, the costs will likely increase due to the specialized oversight required.

• Private Pay: Most assisted living is paid for with private funds from savings, pensions, or by selling a home.
• Long-Term Care Insurance: Some couples have long-term care insurance policies that may cover some or all of the costs. Policies vary, so checking coverage details is crucial.
• Medicaid: While Medicaid coverage for assisted living varies by state, in some cases, it can help with costs. Consulting with an elder law attorney can help navigate complex Medicaid rules, especially when it involves protecting a healthy spouse's assets.
• Veterans Benefits: Veterans and their spouses may be eligible for financial assistance through programs like Aid and Attendance.

Benefits of Remaining Together

Moving to assisted living together can significantly ease the transition for both partners. It provides an immediate source of comfort and companionship in new surroundings, which can reduce anxiety and stress. Having a long-term partner nearby offers consistent emotional support, reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness that can be detrimental to overall health. Additionally, having staff take on caregiving duties can alleviate the burden on the healthier spouse, allowing them to return to the role of a partner rather than a full-time caregiver. This can greatly improve the relationship's quality and both partners' well-being.

Choosing the Right Community for a Couple

Selecting a community that can support both partners' needs requires careful research. When touring, ask specific questions about policies for couples, especially regarding differing care needs. Observe the environment for inclusivity and couples-friendly activities. It's also important to involve both partners in the decision-making process to ensure their preferences and desires are respected.

Feature	Consider for Couples	Consider for Individuals
Apartment Size	Look for one- or two-bedroom options; larger units offer more personal space.	Studio or one-bedroom options are sufficient and more budget-friendly.
Care Plans	Will accommodate two personalized care plans, adapting as needs change.	Will focus on a single person's evolving care needs.
Cost Structure	Base rent + second-person fee (usually discounted), plus individual care charges.	Single resident rate, with care charges based on individual needs.
Social Life	Access to couples-specific activities, plus opportunities for individual interests.	Focus on individual social engagement through group activities and clubs.
Differing Needs	Ability to accommodate a continuum of care (e.g., assisted living and memory care) on one campus.	Seamless transition to higher levels of care within the same community.

Conclusion

Couples can live together in assisted living, and doing so offers numerous benefits for both partners. From maintaining emotional bonds to reducing caregiver stress and potentially lowering costs, sharing this life stage can be a rewarding experience. It is crucial to start the research process early, openly discuss needs and finances, and find a community that prioritizes and respects the unique dynamic of a couple's relationship. By taking these steps, you can ensure a smooth transition and a continued life together in a supportive environment. The first step is to visit and ask questions, understanding the nuances of how a particular community will accommodate your specific situation. Learn more about choosing a senior living community here.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do assisted living facilities handle couples with different care needs?

Most communities are equipped to handle different care needs for couples. They perform individual assessments for each spouse and create a personalized care plan. If care needs are significantly different, such as one partner needing memory care, they may be placed in separate units or wings within the same community to ensure each receives the appropriate level of support while remaining close.

Is it more expensive for two people to live together in assisted living?

Living together in a shared unit is typically more cost-effective than paying for two separate residences. Communities usually charge a base rate for the apartment plus a reduced 'second-person fee' to cover additional services and utilities.

What happens if one spouse's health declines and requires more intensive care?

Many assisted living communities are part of a 'continuum of care' campus. If one spouse's health declines, requiring memory care or skilled nursing, they can often be relocated to an adjacent specialized wing. This allows the couple to remain in the same community and continue to see each other regularly.

How do couples manage finances when moving into assisted living?

Financial planning for couples involves understanding the combined cost, including the second-person fee and individualized care charges. Funding sources can include personal savings, long-term care insurance, veterans' benefits, and potentially Medicaid, depending on eligibility. Consulting with an elder law attorney or financial advisor can be beneficial.

Can I bring our furniture and belongings when we move in together?

Yes, in most cases, couples can bring their own furniture and personal belongings to decorate and personalize their assisted living apartment. This helps create a familiar and comfortable environment, easing the transition into the new home. It is best to measure the new space and plan accordingly during initial tours.

How does living together in assisted living affect the healthier spouse?

Living together in assisted living can significantly benefit the healthier spouse by reducing their caregiving burden. Staff handle many daily tasks, allowing the partner to focus on their relationship rather than being a full-time caregiver. This reduces stress and can improve the quality of life for both individuals.

What is the assessment process like for couples?

The assessment process typically involves a meeting with a community wellness director or other staff. They will evaluate each person's health status, medication needs, mobility, and ability to perform daily living activities. This allows them to create a customized care plan and determine if a shared living arrangement is suitable.