What do you do when someone can't take care of themselves?

Oct 3, 2025 4 min read •

senior care caregiving mental health

According to the National Institute on Aging, millions of older adults in the U.S. receive some form of long-term care. If you find yourself in a situation where a loved one can't take care of themselves, it's crucial to understand the appropriate actions to ensure their safety and well-being.

Quick Summary

When a person can no longer care for themselves, the first steps involve assessing their immediate safety and opening a respectful conversation to understand their needs. Solutions can range from involving family and community resources to exploring professional in-home care or residential facilities, potentially with legal intervention if necessary for their protection.

Key Points

Start a Conversation: Approach your loved one with compassion to discuss your concerns and understand their wishes, focusing on collaboration rather than confrontation.
Assess Needs: Carefully evaluate the specific areas where the person is struggling, from personal hygiene and meal prep to financial management and safety in the home.
Explore Care Options: Look into a range of solutions, including in-home care services, assisted living facilities, and other residential options based on the individual's needs and preferences.
Handle Legal and Financial Aspects: Discuss financial resources and consider legal steps like a Power of Attorney to prepare for managing the individual's affairs.
Utilize Emergency Resources: Be prepared to contact Adult Protective Services or 911 for immediate danger, neglect, or suspected abuse.
Caregiver Support: Recognize the importance of your own well-being and seek support from family or professional services to prevent burnout.
Respect Independence: Balance the need for care with the individual's desire for independence, honoring their choices whenever possible.

Recognizing the Signs That Someone Needs Help

Before you can act, you must recognize the signs that indicate a person is struggling to care for themselves. These signs can be physical, emotional, or behavioral.

Physical and Environmental Indicators

Poor Personal Hygiene: Noticeable decline in grooming habits, unwashed clothes, and a persistent body odor.
Unexplained Weight Loss: Difficulty preparing meals can lead to poor nutrition and noticeable weight loss.
Unsafe Living Conditions: A cluttered or unsanitary home, piling mail, neglected household repairs, or a lack of basic necessities.
Medication Issues: Forgetting to take medication, taking incorrect doses, or signs of misuse.
Physical Injuries: Unexplained bruises, cuts, or falls.

Behavioral and Emotional Indicators

Social Withdrawal: Suddenly avoiding friends, family, and social activities.
Personality Changes: Experiencing uncharacteristic mood swings, irritability, or signs of depression and anxiety.
Disorientation: Appearing confused or getting lost in familiar places.
Poor Judgment: Making questionable financial decisions or falling victim to scams.
Resistance to Help: A stubborn refusal to accept help, often stemming from a fear of losing independence.

The First Steps: Initial Assessment and Conversation

If you observe these signs, the first and most important step is to assess the situation calmly and have an open, honest conversation with the individual. Approach the topic with compassion and empathy, not judgment.

Start a Gentle Conversation: Choose a quiet, unstressed moment to talk. Frame your concerns as a shared problem, not an accusation. For example, instead of saying, "You never do the laundry," you could say, "I've noticed you seem overwhelmed lately. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Assess Their Needs: Try to understand what specific areas they are struggling with. Is it housekeeping? Meal preparation? Financial management? Transportation? This will help you find the right type of support.
Find Out Their Wishes: It is crucial to involve them in the decision-making process. Ask them about their preferences for care. Do they want to stay at home? Are they open to moving to a new living situation?

Exploring Care Options

Once you have a better understanding of the person's needs and wishes, you can begin exploring different caregiving options.

Comparison of Care Options


Feature	In-Home Care	Assisted Living	Nursing Home	Adult Protective Services (APS)
Environment	Stays in their own home	Shared living community with private rooms/apartments	Higher level medical facility	Investigative and protective service
Level of Care	Varies, from companionship to skilled nursing	Assistance with daily living activities (bathing, dressing)	24/7 skilled nursing and medical care	Coordinates services and interventions for vulnerable adults
Cost	Typically charged hourly; highly variable	Monthly fees based on level of care	High, often covered by Medicaid or long-term care insurance	Often free, state-funded
Decision Control	High, person and family have control	Shared, but person retains independence	Less autonomy for the individual	Court-ordered guardianship may occur

In-Home Care Services

For many, staying at home is the preferred option. Home care can provide varying levels of support, from a few hours a week to live-in care.

Companion Care: For socialization and light housekeeping.
Personal Care: Assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs) like bathing, dressing, and eating.
Home Health Aides: Can assist with medication reminders and some medical equipment.
Meal Delivery Services: Such as Meals on Wheels, can ensure proper nutrition.

Residential Care Facilities

If the level of care needed exceeds what can be provided at home, residential facilities might be the best solution.

Assisted Living: Offers a blend of independence and support for those who need help with ADLs.
Nursing Homes: Provides 24/7 skilled nursing care for individuals with more significant medical needs.
Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs): Offer a full spectrum of care, from independent living to skilled nursing, all on one campus.

Navigating Legal and Financial Considerations

Addressing the financial and legal aspects is a critical part of the process.

Power of Attorney (POA): A legal document authorizing a trusted individual to make financial and/or healthcare decisions on the person's behalf.
Guardianship: A court-ordered process where a guardian is appointed to make decisions if the person is deemed incapacitated. This is typically a last resort.
Assessing Finances: Understand their financial situation to determine what care options are affordable. Look into potential benefits from Medicare, Medicaid, or long-term care insurance.

When to Involve Adult Protective Services (APS)

If the person is in immediate danger, or if you suspect abuse, neglect, or exploitation, you must contact Adult Protective Services. They can investigate the situation and intervene to ensure the vulnerable adult's safety.

When to Call 911

For immediate medical emergencies or if the person is in danger of immediate harm, call 911. This is for acute situations, such as a severe fall or a sudden, dramatic change in condition.

Conclusion

Deciding what do you do when someone can't take care of themselves? is a challenging process that requires patience, empathy, and careful planning. The journey begins with recognizing the signs and having a compassionate conversation. From there, exploring a range of options, from in-home care to residential facilities, will help you find the best fit. Addressing legal and financial issues early and knowing when to escalate the situation to professional services like Adult Protective Services is key to ensuring your loved one's safety and dignity. Taking this proactive approach ensures that their well-being remains the highest priority.

For more information on coordinating care and finding support resources, consider consulting the Aging Life Care Association website.

Frequently Asked Questions

Approach the conversation with empathy in a neutral setting, focusing on your love and concern rather than their shortcomings. Frame the help as a way to maintain their independence or benefit your relationship. Sometimes, involving a trusted third party, like another family member or a doctor, can help break through their resistance.

If there is no family available, you can contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Adult Protective Services (APS). These agencies can assess the individual's needs and connect them with community-based services, social workers, and other resources to ensure their safety and well-being.

Generally, a mentally competent adult cannot be forced into a nursing home. However, if they are deemed incapacitated by a court, a guardian may be appointed who can make placement decisions in their best interest, particularly if they are a danger to themselves.

There are several options for financial assistance, depending on the individual's circumstances. These can include Medicare, Medicaid, long-term care insurance, and veteran benefits. Consulting a financial advisor specializing in elder care can help navigate these options.

Adult Protective Services (APS) is a state agency that investigates and intervenes in cases of suspected abuse, neglect, or exploitation of vulnerable adults. They work to ensure the safety and well-being of individuals who are unable to protect themselves.

If you suspect neglect, assess the immediate safety of the individual. If they are in immediate danger, call 911. For non-emergencies, report your concerns to your local Adult Protective Services. They can conduct an investigation and determine the next steps.

You can prepare by having early, honest conversations about their wishes for future care. Establish legal documents like a Power of Attorney. Research local resources, including in-home care agencies and residential facilities, to understand your options ahead of time.

References

Medical Disclaimer

This content is for informational purposes only and should not replace professional medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding personal health decisions.