What to say to someone who has a family member with dementia? A Guide to Empathetic Communication

Oct 30, 2025 4 min read •

Dementia Care mental health relationships

According to the Alzheimer's Association, more than 6 million Americans are living with Alzheimer's disease, the most common type of dementia, creating immense stress for their family members. Understanding what to say to someone who has a family member with dementia requires empathy and the right words to offer genuine support without adding to their burden.

Quick Summary

This guide provides empathetic and practical advice on communicating with someone whose loved one has dementia, focusing on what to say, what to avoid, and how to offer meaningful help. It covers key strategies like active listening, validating feelings, and offering specific assistance to support caregivers effectively.

Key Points

Start with Empathy: Acknowledge the caregiver’s feelings and show that you understand their grief and stress without offering unsolicited advice.
Listen Actively: Offer a non-judgmental space for them to talk. The act of listening is often more important than the words you say.
Offer Specific, Actionable Help: Instead of the generic “Let me know if you need anything,” propose a concrete, specific task like bringing a meal or providing respite care.
Avoid Frustrating Questions: Do not ask, “Do you remember?” or focus on recent memory loss. Instead, reminisce about happier, long-ago memories.
Validate Their Reality: When talking to the person with dementia, respond to the feeling behind their words rather than correcting the factual inaccuracies. This helps reduce frustration and agitation.
Commit to Ongoing Support: Dementia is a long-term journey. Set reminders to check in periodically, as ongoing support is often more impactful than a single conversation.
Educate Yourself: Learning about dementia from reliable sources can help you understand the challenges and communicate more effectively and compassionately.

Offering Empathy and Understanding

When you learn that a friend or family member has a loved one with dementia, your words can either be a source of comfort or an unintentional source of frustration. The key is to shift your mindset from offering solutions to providing genuine, heartfelt support. Instead of searching for the perfect phrase, focus on expressing your care and acknowledging their struggle.

Validating the Caregiver's Experience

Caregivers for those with dementia often feel isolated and overwhelmed. The simple act of validating their feelings can be profoundly helpful. They are grieving a loss that happens gradually and can be complicated by the emotional and behavioral changes of their loved one.

Embrace active listening: Give them your full attention. Put away distractions like your phone and make eye contact. Instead of preparing your response, just listen to what they have to say. The act of sharing their experience can be therapeutic.
Acknowledge their hard work: Caregivers often experience guilt, feeling like they're not doing enough. Remind them that you recognize their immense effort and appreciate all they are doing. This can help alleviate feelings of inadequacy.

The Power of “I” Statements

Using “I” statements can make your words less prescriptive and more personal. For example, instead of saying, “You should take a break,” you might say, “I am here to help you get a break”. This transforms a command into a sincere offer of support.

Shifting from Generic to Specific Offers of Help

One of the most common mistakes people make is offering the generic, “Let me know if you need anything”. Caregivers are often too exhausted to think of specific tasks or may feel uncomfortable asking. A specific, actionable offer is far more valuable.

Tailored Ways to Help

Practical assistance: Propose a concrete task. For example, “I’d love to bring you a meal next Tuesday. What’s a good day and time?” or “Can I run an errand for you this week?”
Respite care: Offer to sit with their family member for a few hours so the caregiver can get a much-needed break. Frame it as, “I can come over next Saturday afternoon to visit, so you can go out and get some time for yourself”.
Supportive communication: Suggest a walk or a simple activity. Invite them to do something that allows them to decompress and reconnect with their own life.

Comparison of Helpful vs. Unhelpful Statements

Knowing what to say is just as important as knowing what not to say. The table below illustrates the difference between empathetic and dismissive or frustrating remarks.


Helpful Phrase (Why it works)	Unhelpful Phrase (Why it doesn't)
"This must be so incredibly difficult. I'm here for you." (Validates their struggle without minimizing it)	"At least they've had a long life." (Dismisses their current pain, implying it's not a real loss)
"I know you're doing the best you can." (Combats caregiver's guilt by offering reassurance)	"You just need to be more patient." (Blames the caregiver for a disease-related behavior that they cannot control)
"I brought you some dinner for tonight." (Offers tangible, immediate relief from a daily chore)	"Let me know if you need anything." (Puts the burden of asking for help on the overwhelmed caregiver)
"Do you want to grab coffee next week? I'll drive." (Proposes a specific plan that requires minimal effort from them)	"You should really take a break." (Tells them what to do without offering a practical way to achieve it)
"What was your loved one like when they were younger?" (Redirects to long-term memories, which are often clearer for those with dementia)	"Do you remember what happened this morning?" (Focuses on recent memory loss, which can cause embarrassment)

Long-Term Emotional Support

Supporting a caregiver is not a one-time conversation. Dementia is a progressive disease, and the challenges evolve over time. Check in regularly, not just once. This shows your commitment and care over the long haul.

Strategies for ongoing support

Schedule regular check-ins: Set a reminder to call or text your friend periodically. A message like, “Thinking of you and your family today,” can mean a lot.
Offer specific help during crises: When challenges arise, such as a trip to the hospital, offer specific aid like sitting with the loved one or helping with logistical tasks.
Educate yourself: Learning more about dementia can help you understand what your friend is going through. Reputable sources like the Alzheimer's Association provide valuable information that can help you offer better support. You can find extensive resources on their website at alz.org.

Conclusion

Navigating a loved one's dementia is a difficult and isolating journey. Your role as a friend or family member is not to fix the situation, but to provide steadfast, empathetic support. By using mindful language, making specific offers of help, and committing to long-term emotional presence, you can make a meaningful difference. The most powerful thing you can communicate is that they are not alone in this. Your empathy and willingness to learn and adapt will be their greatest comfort.

Frequently Asked Questions

Offer specific, actionable help, such as bringing a meal on a certain day, running errands like grocery shopping or picking up prescriptions, or offering to sit with the person with dementia for a few hours so the caregiver can have a break. These gestures are more meaningful than a generic offer of help.

Don’t take it personally. Dementia caregiving can be exhausting and isolating, and your friend or family member may be overwhelmed. Gently let them know you're there for them when they are ready, and continue to check in periodically with a simple text or message.

Children can be involved in a sensitive and safe way. You can suggest low-stress activities like looking at old photo albums together, listening to music, or doing simple arts and crafts. This helps maintain a connection without overwhelming the child or the person with dementia.

Acknowledge their frustration and validate their feelings. You can say something like, 'I can see how frustrating this must be.' Avoid trying to fix the problem immediately or offering platitudes. Sometimes, just having someone acknowledge the difficulty of their situation is a huge relief.

Yes, it is important to involve the person with dementia in conversations whenever possible. Speak directly to them, using their name, and maintain eye contact. This helps them feel valued and included.

Listen patiently and show empathy. Repetitive stories can be a way for the caregiver to process their grief or stress. Your role is to be a supportive listener, not to remind them they've already told you the story. This simple act of presence is incredibly valuable.

Yes, absolutely. Reminiscing about positive memories from the distant past can be a soothing and affirming activity for both the person with dementia and their caregiver. It helps shift the focus away from recent memory loss and encourages a positive connection.

References

Medical Disclaimer

This content is for informational purposes only and should not replace professional medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding personal health decisions.